How to Give Feedback to People Who Cry, Yell, or Get Defensive During Interviews 

Introduction 

Feedback is essential for personal and professional growth. It helps individuals understand their strengths, identify areas for improvement, and excel in their roles. However, not everyone handles feedback gracefully. Some people may react emotionally, whether it’s through tears, anger, or defensiveness. As a manager or colleague, knowing how to navigate these situations is key to maintaining a healthy workplace environment. 

Delivering feedback effectively requires emotional intelligence, patience, and a clear communication strategy. In this blog, we’ll explore why people react emotionally to feedback, how you can approach these conversations, and practical tips to ensure your message is received constructively. By the end, you’ll have a solid understanding of how to foster a feedback-friendly culture in your organization. 

Why Do People React Emotionally to Feedback? 

Emotional responses often stem from various factors. Understanding the root causes can help you tailor your approach to each individual. 

1. Perceived Threat to Self-Esteem: Constructive criticism can sometimes feel like a personal attack, leading people to become defensive or emotional. 

2. Lack of Confidence: Individuals who struggle with self-worth may interpret feedback as a confirmation of their inadequacy. 

3. Past Experiences: Previous experiences with harsh or unfair feedback can cause anxiety and fear. 

4. High Expectations: People who set high standards for themselves often experience heightened emotions when they perceive they’ve fallen short. 

5. Unclear Communication: Vague or poorly delivered feedback can lead to confusion, frustration, and defensiveness. 

6. Workplace Culture: In environments lacking psychological safety, employees may feel more vulnerable and react strongly to feedback. 

Recognizing these triggers will allow you to respond with empathy and understanding. 

Tips for Delivering Feedback with Care 

Providing feedback is not just about pointing out areas for improvement, it’s about encouraging growth. Here are practical strategies to ensure your feedback conversations remain constructive and respectful. 

1. Prepare in Advance 

• Plan what you want to say, focusing on specific behaviors rather than making generalizations. 

• Anticipate possible reactions and think of ways to manage them. 

• Choose a private, comfortable setting where the person feels safe to express their emotions. 

2. Start with Empathy 

• Approach the conversation with a positive intent. Opening with statements like “I value your contributions and want to help you grow” can soften the message. 

• Acknowledge their emotions without dismissing them. Phrases like “I understand this may be difficult to hear” can demonstrate empathy. 

3. Use a Calm and Neutral Tone 

• Maintain a calm demeanor to model composure. 

• Avoid accusatory language like “You always” or “You never.” 

• Replace negative language with constructive feedback. For example, say “I noticed this could be improved” instead of “This was done poorly.” 

4. Focus on Facts, Not Opinions 

• Provide clear and specific examples of behaviors rather than making subjective judgments. 

• Use data, performance metrics, or observed patterns to support your feedback. 

• Separate the behavior from the person. Critique actions, not character. 

5. Encourage Dialogue 

• Invite them to share their perspective. Ask open-ended questions like “How do you feel about this?” or “Is there anything I can do to support you?” 

• Practice active listening to understand their emotions and thoughts. 

• Reframe the conversation if it becomes confrontational. Remind them that feedback is a tool for growth. 

6. Pause if Necessary 

• If emotions escalate, suggest taking a short break and resuming the conversation later. 

• Allow them time to process the feedback without feeling overwhelmed. 

• Offer reassurance and suggest revisiting the conversation once they’re calmer. 

Dealing with Specific Reactions 

Different people react in different ways. Here’s how you can manage specific emotional responses during feedback sessions: 

1. Tears 

• Stay calm and compassionate. Offer a tissue or glass of water if appropriate. 

• Reassure them that it’s okay to express emotions. 

• Pause the conversation to give them a moment to regain composure. 

• Once they’re ready, continue in a gentle and supportive tone. 

2. Anger or Yelling 

• Remain calm and composed. Do not mirror their emotions. 

• Acknowledge their feelings without escalating the conflict. Use phrases like, “I understand you’re upset. Let’s talk through this.” 

• Suggest a break if necessary, and revisit the discussion when both parties are calmer. 

3. Defensiveness 

• Avoid engaging in a back-and-forth argument. 

• Reiterate your intention to support their growth. 

• Encourage self-reflection by asking questions like, “How do you think we can work together to address this?” 

Creating a Feedback-Friendly Culture 

A workplace that values open and constructive feedback fosters trust and continuous improvement. Here’s how you can contribute to building such a culture: 

• Normalize Feedback: Encourage regular feedback exchanges rather than limiting it to annual reviews. 

• Train Managers: Provide emotional intelligence and feedback delivery training. 

• Promote Psychological Safety: Create an environment where employees feel safe to express their thoughts without fear of retaliation. 

• Celebrate Growth: Acknowledge improvements and successes resulting from feedback. 

Interesting Facts About Feedback and Emotions 

• Emotional Contagion: Emotions are contagious. When you remain calm, it helps the other person regulate their own emotions. 

• Neuroscience Insight: The brain’s amygdala triggers the ‘fight or flight’ response during stressful situations, which explains strong emotional reactions. 

• Feedback Culture Impact: Organizations that foster a culture of constructive feedback report higher employee engagement, productivity, and retention. 

• Growth Mindset: Employees with a growth mindset view feedback as an opportunity to learn and improve, making them more resilient to criticism. 

Final Thoughts 

Giving feedback to emotionally reactive individuals can be challenging, but it’s a skill worth mastering. By approaching these conversations with empathy, clarity, and patience, you can help your team grow while maintaining respectful and supportive relationships. 

Remember, the goal of feedback isn’t to criticize but to empower individuals to reach their full potential. With practice and the right mindset, you’ll become a more effective communicator and leader. 

So next time you need to give feedback, take a deep breath, approach the conversation with kindness, and remember: Growth often comes from the most challenging conversations. 

FAQs 

1. How to Give Feedback That Someone Is Defensive? 

When giving feedback to a defensive person: 

• Stay Calm and Objective: Focus on facts, not emotions. 

• Use “I” Statements: Say, “I noticed…” instead of “You always…” 

• Acknowledge Their Perspective: Validate their feelings by saying, “I understand this might be challenging.” 

• Encourage Dialogue: Ask open-ended questions to understand their concerns. 

• Be Solution-Oriented: Offer constructive suggestions and emphasize growth. 

2. How to Give Emotional Feedback? 

To give emotional feedback effectively: 

• Be Empathetic: Recognize the emotions involved and show understanding. 

• Create a Safe Space: Choose a private and comfortable setting. 

• Be Specific: Clearly explain the behavior or situation that triggered the feedback. 

• Balance Positivity and Constructiveness: Acknowledge strengths while discussing areas for improvement. 

• Follow Up: Offer support and check in on their progress. 

3. How Do You Give Feedback on Unprofessional Behavior? 

For addressing unprofessional behavior: 

• Be Direct and Respectful: Clearly state the behavior without being harsh. 

• Provide Context: Explain how the behavior affects the workplace. 

• Refer to Policies: If relevant, mention company guidelines or expectations. 

• Offer Solutions: Suggest how the individual can improve. 

• Document if Necessary: In serious cases, keep a record of the conversation.  

Example: “I’ve noticed during meetings that interruptions occur frequently. It’s important to allow others to share their thoughts fully. I’d appreciate your efforts in promoting a respectful discussion.” 

4. How Do You Give Feedback to a Sensitive Person? 

When giving feedback to a sensitive person: 

• Be Gentle and Supportive: Use a positive and encouraging tone. 

• Choose Your Words Carefully: Avoid words that may seem harsh or critical. 

• Focus on Growth: Emphasize development and learning. 

• Highlight Strengths: Start with what they do well before discussing areas of improvement. 

• Offer Continuous Support: Provide reassurance and resources to help them improve. 

5. How to Professionally Say Someone Has a Bad Attitude? 

To address a negative attitude professionally: 

• Be Specific: Focus on behaviors rather than labeling them as having a “bad attitude.” 

• Explain the Impact: Describe how their behavior affects team dynamics or productivity. 

• Stay Neutral: Avoid judgmental language. Use phrases like, “I’ve noticed” or “It seems.” 

• Encourage Self-Reflection: Ask how they perceive the situation and suggest solutions. 

Example: “I’ve noticed some frustration during team discussions. I’d like to understand how we can work together to improve the collaboration process.” 

6. How to Give Feedback Professionally? 

To give feedback professionally: 

• Be Timely: Provide feedback soon after the event. 

• Be Clear and Specific: Use examples to support your points. 

• Stay Constructive: Focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. 

• Use a Positive Tone: Frame feedback as an opportunity for growth. 

• Follow Up: Offer support and check for improvements. 

Example: “You’ve been doing well with managing deadlines. However, I noticed the recent report had a few inaccuracies. Let’s discuss how we can ensure more accuracy next time.”